As I just finished nursing and putting the baby down, raced to put away my last load of laundry, sent Liam to his room for pulling up threads in the carpet with a sharp transformer gun (too ruined to fix), and sat down on my unmade bed to open the computer for a sec...I feel like...
I am so not good at this. This mother thing.
I feel guilty all the time.
I took the boys to Jungle Mania to get us out of the house today. It was a lot of work to get the 3 kids out by myself and nurse while there, but it was good to get the stir-crazy boys out of the house. I wish I could do it more. I wish I had enough time, and money, and energy and creativity. I feel like they are always bored. I don't know how to balance the "keeping house" part of motherhood with the having fun part. I can't seem to find time to have a good meal on the table, groceries in the fridge, the kids dressed nicely, hair cut, appointments made and kept, school work and Awana work up to date, beds made, laundry done and still time to play games and be with them. I don't have a job outside the home, so I don't know why I find it so hard. Maybe it's the demands of the nursing baby? the fact that I'm still up once or twice during the nights? I don't know, but I'm dropping the ball. I didn't get Riley to the dentist in time. He had to get his tooth pulled out. I feel terrible about it. I haven't been to the dentist in a year either. I haven't found a new chiro in town. I didn't send out Christmas letters.
Basically, I suck. That's how I feel today...good way to start the year, isn't it.


The Foulds said…
:( Days like that suck.

You are a great mom and your boys are lucky to have you. :)

I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Bloggy Mama said…
Sarah, don't feel like you are a bad Mom. There are just some days that things are less than stellar. I'm thinking of you and wishing you well as the boys go back to school.
Sarah, don't be so hard on yourself! ! You're doing well to get out the door. Do you know that in the "old days" Moms had all they could do to get all their chores done and kids were left to entertain themselves. When they can't count on you to keep them going they might just realize that they can learn to be happy on their own. Reminds me of when I tried to "do it all" when Anna was a babe - it'd been better to just stay home sometimes.
Bri said…
one day a daughter of mine will look at me and say "you just don't understand"...or "you don't love me"..or my all time favorite, "everybody else is doing it". I will want to pull my hair out, I might tear up just a little, and/or want to laugh out loud, but I will know, deep down inside that everything I did was to make their lives as full as possible.
Even seeing you do laundry, dishes and make a meal makes them better people. They will know that they are loved and they in turn will love others.
Working with my guys helped me put things in perspective, or think of your patients at the hospital. It's so important to celebrate the small things because sometimes it's all we can do for that day.
I say this for you as much as for myself because we don't hear it often enough and might not believe it when we do but we are good people! We are doing what we can when we can and no one has died yet (ha). So celebrate the little things, a look, a smile, five minutes to drink a cup of hot chocolate, a day without runny noses and the fact that you make amazing kids and I'm so glad that you are in my life.
Anna said…
Awww, love you Sarah. I'm sorry you had such a hard day yesterday and that I didn't have any clue when we all came over and invaded your house. I hope things are better today.

I get sad lots too that this motherhood thing didn't come more naturally to me. I think the majority of little girls dream about having babies and keeping house but now that it's here it sort of sucks hey? Honestly, lots of the time I would way rather go to work than deal with the fights, the tantrums, the diapers, the attitudes, the messes....and ya, I feel guilty sometimes but like Bri said, you're doing the best you can and no one's dead yet (fingers crossed). Just try to remember that so much of what's happening now will just be a blurry memory in a few years...you know...when the kids can dress themselves, feed themselves, entertain themselves, help you out....Hang in there Sarah! Love you lots.
Mark said…
Well Sarah, I had to add my bit too . . .
I think that in the seasons of our lives when times are hectic with family or work or whatever else happens to be filling our plate, God gives us a little glimmer of something good and joyful and fulfilling that becomes a symbol of things to come, of why this is worth it and that in fact you are doing a good job of things. Look for that little thing!
And as some of the others have said this is a season . . . soon the nursing will be over, diapers will be gone, the boys will continue to grow and mature.
Keep up the good work honey! Don't be discouraged, you are completely surrounded by family and friends who love and support you.
karen said…
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way (very often, too). And, I don't have a baby to nurse!! Hang in there, because, like I always tell my Sarah after a rough day -- tomorrow is a new day. And, thank goodness for that!
Honey, I'm awake early and thinking among other things about you. . . I remember days of feeling overwhelmed too! As I'd lay in bed exhausted and keyed up at the end of a day sometimes I'd just cry out to God singing silently "I cast all my cares upon You, I lay all of my burdens down at Your feet. . . " I found I couldn't very well sing through that without actually letting go and allowing God to refresh me. Definitely needed peace and strength was provided.
Know you're loved!

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