Hubby and I have both come to one of those lows in our married and parenting life. The little buggers, darnit, are winning!! Despite our best efforts to stay consistent, to provide them with safety, love, food, fun, education, attention etc. it just doesn't seem to be working in our favor. We know we have three very busy boys who require a lot of commitment. But at this point it feels like it is more than we can bear. We are losing ground. We are losing ourselves. We don't know what it is like to do anything other than for the kids. And when they act like little gremlins in return, it is all we can do to hold it together and not lay down and bawl our eyes out.
So things have definitely got to change. We need more time together, alone, doing things for us. As we all know, there is no parenting manual we can turn to. There are no two people that have been in our exact situation with our exact children, so we are the ones who are going to have to stumble through this. It is lonely and frightening to feel like we are botching it up. I really thought it'd never be such a struggle, so it is really sad and I know unhealthy to have those thoughts of "why did we ever think we'd be good at this?".
I started a new Monday morning Bible study today with a large group of women. It is a Bible Study by Beth Moore called Living Beyond Yourself. It had some good verses in it for my aching heart today.
So ya, that's where it's at. Greg is away for four days, so he is hopefully getting some time to regroup before he returns to the chaos. As he often jokes, we need a good German nanny. She needs a name like Helga, with a tight bun in her hair and larger in size than he is. Know anyone?!
6 comments:
Sarah you are so funny and yet so real. We all have those moments. days and even years. It will get better. Our pastor always says the pre-school years are the very hardest in all of life. I truly believe that. Try to carve out some time for you and your and Greg. You are doing a great job!
Oh Sarah. You've got me crying first thing in the morning! I love you!
I don't know how many times I've said "why did I think I could do this when I can't do anything else right?" Isn't it SO SO hard?!? I've been encouraged lately that it seems like more and more moms are throwing off their supermom capes and saying, "wow, this sucks, it's hard, and sometimes I just want to run the other direction." I hope you have some other ladies there that you can be that real with. And it's so true that our WHOLE day/week/month is taken up with school, Awana, sports, bedtimes, naps, stories etc that it's easy to forget that before the rug rats came along there was you and your spouse and you actually liked each other! I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you but I'm in the same boat. I really hope this Bible study will help you. Hang in there! And call me anytime and we can cry together. Put me on speaker and we can get G and K in there too! Haha!
Peace, Sarah. You are wonderful parents and I know you will come through this stage with flying colours!!
Awww sweety, I was wondering how you were doing this week especially with G away. Thought you might have posted! You made me remember the "crazy daze"! ! I recall singing (in my head) myself to sleep fairly often to the song "I cast all my cares upon You". I actually found that VERY helpful! It was calming to me, and it was all I could pray when feeling overwhelmed. Doug B. was a friend who saw me fall apart a few times when I was trying to hold it all together and be the "super mom - super P's wife"! I pray that both of you girls find solace with a couple of good friends to help you through. Dad always said - "these kids will grow up but you and I will still be together" and I do appreciate how he worked hard to keep us close. Sometimes I didn't feel like giving him the time!
We just watched a movie with a very memorable (tear jerky) line for me. . . (mother to her widowed daughter) "A mother . . . is only ever as happy as her saddest child." That rang true for me! I love you! and wish you joy.
You're hilarious. I say leave the kids with the relatives and spend the night at Halcyon:) But that's easy for me to say...
They did not come with instuctions so why as women do we feel like we are messing it up ?Messing what up an idea of what evryone else is doing or what it looks like on the outside for everyone else! God has blessed you with those little ones and he sure does not make mistakes so don't lose hope i know it is hard and sometimes they are winning but through that God has a plan and it includes getting on our knees as mothers and wifes and crying out to our Lord who promises to never leave us and really is they only one who can help us!!!Sarah i am praying for greg and you if you would like to chat sometime i am always hear!!
shavon
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